Athletics

Intercollegiate:

Lacrosse
Founded in 2003, the lacrosse team was one of the more recent clubs to be added to FU's athletic department, which is ironic because Northeastern Native American tribes have been playing lacrosse for hundreds of years. Nonetheless, FU's lacrosse team has been very successful in finding the occasional student to play, resorting to paying Mexican immigrants to field the rest of the team.

Swimming
Since the coach of the swim team only learned to swim fewer than 6 months ago, the team has had to teach themselves advanced swimming techniques. Some of these techniques are kicking ones feet and getting into the water from the diving blocks instead of jumping into the water feet-first. The team's claim to fame is having a swim team captain who managed to grow himself a set of gills in order to facilitate breathing under-water and thus, swim faster. Unfortunately, he did not take into account that humans cannot breathe chlorine, and as such has been in a coma for the past few semesters.

Track & Field
Track & Field is an older sport, founded in 1355. The team's claim to fame is a discus thrower Marcus Frisbee, who holds the record for longest imitation of the statue Disco bolus. The famous sculpture is of the discus thrower, staying in that pre-throw position for 36 hours without moving. The track team recently won two meets against the New York School for the Disabled, both on a coin toss, as the photo finish in both races were still too close to call.

Intramural:

Quid Ditch
Since magic is still in the development phase, players have to throw the balls to/at one another instead of playing with flying balls. Riding brooms are also in development, so players must run across the pitch with the broom between their legs. Brooms will be provided if participants don't own one, to which I ask the question "how do you keep your dorms clean?"

Seal Clubbing
Because it is now a felony to physically abuse seals in our town, we use sea lions and our imaginations instead. Perhaps it is not quite the same, but it is close enough.

X-legged Sack Racing
If you thought it wasn't possible to have Sack Races with more than two people per team, you've been to the wrong picnics! More fun than a barrel full of other people's legs!

Competitive Chair-Sitting
Your face is sweaty, your heart is pounding, and your breathing is heavy, and you don't think you can stay seated for another second, but you just can't give up! Congratulations, you've just taken the school record in Competitive Chair-Sitting! Now go sit down, you probably need a rest.